When the Support Slows Down

Perhaps one of the most difficult periods in the grieving process, is roughly 3-6 months following loss. All the texts, calls, and other positive support begins to slow down. People in our lives return to their normal daily routines, but not us. We have to figure out how to establish new daily norms and routines in our lives. The world looks and feels so different now to us, but we must keep moving forward.

I believe this period is critical to our well being. Based on my on experience, it's important to establish daily routines that point us in a healthy direction. It would be so easy to fall into destructive patterns, and it would be easy to take advantage of the fact that our friends and family members are less likely to call us on it during this time. They know that we're in pain, and they don't want to do anything to make it worse. 

But don't do it. You're already having to live with this huge hole in your heart, don't add new regrets on top of it.

For me, I still have my boys at home to take care of. My mission was to be strong for them, learn how to manage the house, and ensure that their needs were met in every way. It wasn't that I knew nothing of these things, but that doesn't mean I was always the one doing them, right? Lisa cooked the far majority of our meals, she did the far majority of the laundry, she did most of the cleaning in our home. And that's not even mentioning grocery shopping, helping the kids with homework, etc. I already knew how to do all those tasks(at least somewhat), but learning when to do them to keep the environment running smoothly is another thing. But I felt that was important for me and for my children. 

I would also suggest having people around you is important. To isolate yourself is a tempting, but huge mistake. When we spend too much time alone during periods of intense grief, our mind can play tricks on us. Things can become less clear. Things we hold important can seem unimportant. We can easily convince ourselves that nobody cares about us. That's a lie. Don't fall victim to it.

I'm fortunate to have a loving church family, that consistently ask me what my needs are. A group such as this is invaluable. Wherever you find support, be careful to maintain your end of those relationships by always being reasonable, being careful not to take advantage of anyones sympathy.

Be encouraged, your life is not over. It may look different now, but it's not over. It's a new chapter.

Not matter what, never give up.

Anthony

Introduction | Short Bio

My name is Anthony, and I'm a widower. Two years later, I still hate the sound of that, and I prefer not to say it. However, it is the reality of my life. I was married for 23 years, and have two sons who both are still school aged children.

Anthony

To say that was a blow to our family is such an understatement. This event presented a type of pain and longing to me that I can't really describe. I've accepted that it will always be there, though I pray that the burden will ease as time goes on. So many nights I've sat alone, absolutely overcome by despair. I'm appreciative of the articles I've read online, as well as the forum entries that have helped give clarity to my current state of being. Hopefully, through this site, I can help others going through a similar situation. 

I make no claims of having formal training to deal with grief and loss, but I have experienced the bitter realities of losing the most important person in my life. The struggles are real.

No matter what, don't give up.

Anthony