I have two children at home most of the time. They are generally off in their own spaces, doing their own thing. I find myself too often sitting alone in my living room.
I turn the TV on, but I can't really watch it. My mind is jumping around from one thing to the next too much to focus and concentrate on a television program.
Knowing this feeling so well for the past two years, makes me really feel for the older generation who live alone. I've always assumed they feel extremely lonely after their spouse dies, but now I have a more personal knowledge how they must feel.
This Helps
It helps me to not sit still for too long. Although I love the idea of being able to sit and read, it just isn't working for me right now.
I've found that cleaning, straightening, and organizing helps me. I think more clearly when I'm busy, and the stuff needs to be done anyway.
Household chores never seem to stop. So far, that's been my solution for coping with being alone.
I'm not alone all the time. When we can work around current concerns with the pandemic, I still go to church regularly. I spend time with my children and other family.
A New Relationship?
One day, I hope to find love again.
At first, I couldn't imagine being with anyone else, and loving somebody else. But time is changing how I think about this.
People have needs. And I'm not talking only about the physical. I have a need to be loved, and cared for. I have a need to be wanted. I have a need to give love, and to take care of someone. I have a need to look forward to coming home to someone I love. I can admit that, without sounding un-masculine.
I'm moving very slowly concerning this for a reason. I don't want to try and use a woman to fill my loneliness. I think having someone would help, but I don't want to go into a relationship with the wrong motives.
I can only wait and see what the future holds. I suppose all of us have to do that.
No matter what, don't give up.
Anthony
