What's the Correct Way to Respond to Loss?

What is the correct way to respond to loss after losing your soul mate?

I'll speak from experience and say that in that time, there's no deciding how to respond. The response that comes is the only one.

I remember seeing a couple I know in town one day only months after losing my wife. They are a generation older than me, and their marriage to each other is their second marriages because they both lost their first spouses years before. They asked me how I was making it? I still don't know how to answer that question. But, I told them I was doing ok, and that I was keeping myself busy. I shared that I didn't think it would probably be good for me to lock myself away and draw the shades. Their response really made me think. They said, you just have to do what you can, because it's different for everybody. 

That made a lot of sense to me. We're all different people. Why in the world would we be expected to respond to such a life altering event in some certain way? I have enough on my mind, that other's expectations of me are not at play here.

Not only did it make sense, but I truly appreciated hearing that. It gave me a new way of thinking about loss. I knew I had to be stable to take care of my children. Life is continuing on, so I've got to be able to continue managing my life. But aside from those things, I get to call the shots here.

Now a time comes, that we must put things in their proper perspective for our own mental health. That's a whole other subject that I'll discuss at a later date. 

If you've recently lost her, I want to encourage you to hang in there. It's been almost two years since my wife passed away, and in some ways it still seems like it was last week. In other ways, I'm able to put the pain and longing aside and feel grateful for those years that we spent together. I realize that I don't have to be bitter. Bitterness will only make our lives worse. Through bitterness, the only person we punish is ourselves. So be encouraged, because as bad as things are, you will learn to deal with it better as time passes. Time does not heal all wounds, but time affords us the ability to work out how to live with those wounds.

No matter what, never give up.

Anthony