How and When to Part with Her Clothes and Jewelry

How and when should I part with my late wife's things, especially her clothes and jewelry? 

Let me start by saying this is much harder for some men, than it is for others. This is a very difficult thing for me.

Some have told me along the way, that if I pass those things on to someone who can use them, I'll be helping others as well as helping myself to move forward and feel better.

I wish it were that easy. Two years later, I still have all of her clothes and jewelry. After the first couple of months, I did move them out of my bedroom closet, and put them out of my daily view. 

Let the Process Take Place

Some widow's and widower's try to do this right away. However, other's believe that this can be a mistake. Some of us feel completely numb after losing our spouse, and while we may feel like getting those possessions out of the way is good, we can experience regret once our emotions start to calm and the dust has begun to settle.

I found looking at her clothes, and smelling them, and touching them to be calming for a time. I could still smell here perfume on her jacket. While that sounds sad on one hand, I was sure thankful for it at the time.

When I moved them out of the bedroom closet, I stored her shoes and sweaters in plastic storage bins. I have her hanging clothes in another closet in my home. Although a couple years have passed, I still consider this a temporary solution.

A Deeper Look

Here's my take: Holding on to these things for a time is normal and healthy. We as men know that the time will come when we must say goodbye, so that we can move into our next phase of life. Only we can decide when that time is. Personally, I'll not let other people decide that for me.

When the time comes to see another woman and try dating, that seems like a good clue that the time to part with these items has come.

Other people will just have to understand that this is a psychological process we're going through. There are few things, if any, that can change our lives to the degree of losing our soulmate. I've mentioned it in an earlier post, but our minds have to come to terms with this huge change, and it can trick us in many ways. Guilt and regret can wiggle their way in if we let them. We must keep our minds on positive things.

I know it's not easy. I know this, because it's not easy for me either. I think we just have to be careful that we're grieving in a way that's healthy and non-destructive. When our wives passed away, we didn't initially have any control over how we grieved. But the time comes when we have to decide if we'll do our best to find happiness and satisfaction under this cloud of loss, or if we'll let it completely engulf us.

Conclusion

I loved my wife more than life itself. There's no question about that. I don't want to use her death to justify me laying down and letting grief steal the remainder of my life. Although I can't always feel it, I have other things to live for. Good things. I have two sons who need me now more than they ever did. I will move forward and be the best dad that I can.

Please gentlemen, no matter what, don't give up,

Anthony